What not to say to someone who is struggling to conceive

We struggled to conceive my son Zander, it took 8 and a half years before I fell pregnant with him during that time we went through 6 cycles of Clomid and trigger shots and ICSI (privately) which obviously failed. Roger had a low sperm count due to having a vasectomy reversal and we were told it would be nigh on impossible to conceive. But we had already had a daughter together so we were not going to give up.

During that time we had people give their advice, thinking they were being helpful but really they were not.

Here are some things people said;

You’re trying too hard – erm yeah okay then, how can we try too hard we go about it the same way you went about it when you were trying for a baby. So please explain that one

I fell pregnant first month of trying – Well done you, here’s a big gold badge. Way to go in making me feel a failure!

You should be happy, you already have 2 kids – Do you really know what it is like going through secondary infertility. My longing for another baby is not going to be the same as someone that is struggling for their first. It doesn’t stop the heartache of getting negative tests and heartache every month. Until you’ve been in that situation please don’t assume you know how it feels.

Have you tried  giving up coffee, losing weight, legs in the air etc – Yes I have and guess what THEY DIDN’T WORK EITHER

You are getting old now – Seriously I know how old I am!

Are you pregnant yet? – Well, I am sure you would know about it by now as I’d be shouting it from the rooftops!

It’s been X amount of time, don’t you think you should just forget about it now – I have no words, really?

If they had any idea on how I felt when I saw another pregnancy announced, a pregnant woman in the supermarket. I couldn’t even hold a friend or family members baby because it broke me for a while. I was wrecked. I got out of that hole eventually but people really need to be more aware of what they are saying. They may think they are being helpful but really they are not.